Hated by Many, Loved by None Read online

  Just as I reached my climax, the stereo cut off, the ceiling fan slowed down, and the clock on the nightstand blacked out. I quickly pulled away from Cedric and climbed out of the bed, seething with anger.

  "Please tell me you paid the light bill, Cedric?" I questioned while crossing my arms and tapping my feet.

  "You fucked up my nut to talk about the damn light bill? Man, bring your ass back over here. I was almost—"

  "No, no, no! Tell me you paid the light bill, Cedric! Tell me that you did and that they turned off the wrong fucking lights!"

  "I paid it. I paid it like… six weeks ago." Cedric scratched his head while looking up at me.

  "Six weeks ago? The bill is due every damn month! You know this! Oh, my god! Please don't tell me we don't have any fuckin' lights!"

  I grabbed my clothing from the floor and quickly slid into my pants and my shirt. This wasn't the first time we'd been without lights. Cedric always forgot to pay this bill or that bill. We never had any food in the house, fuckin' personal items, or bus fare to get around.

  The apartments we lived in were located in the Oak Cliff area of Dallas. They were rundown, but they were cheap and affordable. I always wondered what my life would be like if I lived in the North with the upper class white and seddity black people. I knew, out there, they didn't have kids playing in the streets along with the neighborhood dope boys and crack heads. The few times I'd been out there, all I had seen were pretty houses, nicely manicured lawns, and expensive cars. All the things my ass couldn't afford since I was just a poor Mexican with only a high school education and a broke ass boyfriend.

  Cedric, who called himself a hustler, stayed in the streets all day, but always came home just as broke as he left. Half the time, I wondered why I'd spent all this time with him. He had no ambition whatsoever and laughed at me when I told him we could do better. Cedric had no issues with the way we lived and honestly thought that that shit was normal. I refused to be a broke-down hood monger for the rest of my life.

  "¡No necesito esto! ¡No necesito esto!" I screamed at Cedric who continued to lie in the bed like the lights being out didn't bother him.

  "Can you speak English please? Hate when you do that shit!" Cedric finally got out of the bed and grabbed his boxers and jeans from the floor.

  "As long as you have been with me, you should know Spanish by now. See, this is what I'm talking about Cedric! You don't make an effort to do anything, and I'm sick of it!" I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him as hot tears fell down my cheeks.

  "What you mean ‘you’re sick of it’? What does that mean?"

  "That means, I’m tired, Cedric! That means, I don't wanna do this anymore! You haven't had a real job since we've been together!"

  "Oh, and you have? You call selling Avon a job? Fuck you gonna tell me I ain't had a real job since we've been together, and I'm the one bringing in the majority of the paper. Get outta here with that shit," Cedric sighed, before pulling his shirt over his head.

  "Fuckin' perdedor! ¡Perdedor! Pasar toda la noche en las calles para nada," I spat.

  After guiding my way carefully through the darkness, I went into the closet and pulled out a small duffle bag. I continued cursing Cedric out in Spanish, knowing that it irked the hell out of him because he didn't understand it.

  "Where the hell you think you're going?" Cedric asked as he fired up a Newport.

  "Away from here! I know you don't expect me to sit up in a dark ass house with you all day."

  "I'm about to go make some money and get the lights back on. Just give me a couple of hours. You can't just chill for a few hours?"

  "No, I cannot. You know why?" I asked. "Because when you come back home, you won't even have enough to get the lights back on. You will have either smoked it or drunk it all up. I'm sick of this, and I'm sick of you! I want you to pack your things and get out!"

  "Honey, you talking real reckless right now! I'm not going anywhere. This is my house, too!"

  "I want you out! Yo quiero que usted fuera! Get out and be gone by the time I come back!"

  Cedric grabbed my arm as I attempted to walk past him. I elbowed him in his stomach and then turned and slapped him in the face. This had been going on for years, and I was sick of it. Sick of not having the finer things in life, sick of dreaming about better and not doing better. I wanted more for myself, and it didn't look like I was going to get anything more than what I already had if I stayed with Cedric.

  I looked at Cedric one last time before exiting our bedroom and leaving the apartment. My best friend Tomeka lived in an apartment complex a few miles away, and I knew that she would allow me to stay with her until I figured things out. One thing was for sure— Cedric and I were done.

  *****

  The walk to Tomeka's house took forever. With the heat and the thin sandals I had on, I wondered if I would ever get there. I just hoped that she was home when I got there.

  I'd known Tomeka since elementary school, along with our other friend Jahzara. We were like sisters and had each other's backs through thick and thin. There wasn't anything that we wouldn't do for each other, which was how I knew Tomeka would be cool with me crashing at her place for a couple of days.

  My mother and father had moved back to Mexico, leaving me with no one but my girls and Cedric's broke ass. I had a couple of aunts and uncles, but none of them approved of me dating a black guy. They always told me how they wanted me to date a nice, wholesome Mexican man, but my preference was for a fine ass chocolate brother… with a big dick, of course.

  If I couldn't date a black dude, then I didn't wanna date any man. That was how serious my attraction to black men had become. Cedric had been the first, but he wasn't the only. Several times, when we'd broken up, I had my taste of others, and that made my addiction worse. From time to time, I still messed with one of the guys on the side, but it was only when I needed money to pay a bill that Cedric couldn't afford to pay. He would kill me if he found out, but— Shit!— what did he expect? If he wasn’t man enough to take care of home, then I would gladly find someone that could.

  "Aagh! It's fuckin' hot out here!" I screamed, almost tripping over my feet.

  I caught my balance, threw my bag over my shoulder, and continued to walk. I'd made this walk before with ease, but, this time, it was killing me. Several times, I contemplated turning around and going back home, but I didn't want Cedric to think I'd changed my mind. I wanted his ass out of our apartment, and I wanted him to know that I was serious about no longer being with him.

  Besides, turning back would be dumb because I could finally see Tomeka's apartment complex up ahead. A few more minutes and I would be there. I just hoped that she or her boyfriend DeMarcus were there to let me in.

  Once I finally made it and came upon Tomeka's place, I immediately regretted not calling first. She and DeMarcus were standing outside. They were in the middle of a full blown argument, and all the neighbors had front row seats.

  I approached cautiously, wondering if I wanted to get involved in their shit or not. I always felt like Tomeka could do better than DeMarcus' trifling ass, but, like me and our girl Jahzara, we loved who we loved.

  Tomeka was tall, standing at about five-eight and weighed around one-hundred and fifty pounds. She had a nice, thin frame, light skin and light brown eyes. She wore her hair in a bob that stopped at her shoulders.

  "Tomeka, everything okay?" I asked, dropping my bag to my feet.

  21

  Tomeka

  3

  Tomeka

  "Sick dick, muthafucka! You out here like that, DeMarcus? You fucked so many hoes that you don't know which one gave you this shit!" I crossed my arms over my heaving chest.

  "Meka, I said, ‘Let’s go in the damn house!’ Every time we have a fuckin' argument, you wanna be out here in front of these nosy muthafuckas, showcasing and showboating!" DeMarcus yelled doing his best to shy away from the subject.

  "Fuck going in the house! These the bitches you aroun
d here fucking! Which one of these ducks gave you the shit? Got these bitches 'round here laughing at me!"

  "Tomeka! Go in the house, girl. Stop letting these bitches see you sweat, mami," Honey said in my ear.

  I looked around at the crowd full of women and couldn't help but wonder which one of these chicks had slept with my man. Two years of being with DeMarcus, and it had been the same shit since day fuckin' one. Don't get the shit twisted ‘cause I wasn't one of those females that allowed their man to walk all over her as long as home was taken care of. I can do for me without any assistance from a man, even if what I had wasn't much in the eyes of some; it was mine.

  I lived in a one bedroom apartment in the middle of Oak Cliff, drove a Honda Accord, and worked as a customer service rep at a call center. I didn't need shit from DeMarcus, not his money or the nasty dick that swung between his legs. The only reason I was with this fool still ‘til this day at this very moment was because he had a problem with his hands. I'd tried everything to get rid of him, but, each time, he beat me until I begged him to stay. That was the reason for having the argument outside, I knew he wouldn't dare touch me with all those people watching.

  I hated for those wretched hoes to know that shit wasn't butter smooth between me and DeMarcus, but it was the only way I could confront him and let him know how I felt without him putting his hands on me.

  "You know what, Marcus? It's not even worth it. It's not as if shit is going to change. I’m out here making a fool of myself and getting all worked up for nothing."

  I turned and headed for my apartment with Honey in tow. At a time like this, I was glad to see my girl Honey because I desperately needed a friend to talk this shit out with, especially after leaving the doctor's office that morning and finding out that I'd been infected with gonorrhea and chlamydia. Type shit is that? I wondered as I pushed through the door and fell to my sofa.

  I didn't understand this at all. DeMarcus claimed he loved me and that I was the best thing to ever happen to him, but then he goes and does some bullshit like this. Kinda love is that?

  "You good, mami? Can I get you anything?" Honey asked as she kneeled in front of me.

  I dropped my head into my hands and cried something terrible. I wanted out of this shit but didn't know how to go about doing so. No lie. DeMarcus had me too scared to do anything but what he said to do. I knew that, once Honey was gone and he and I were alone, I would have to suffer for the scene I’d caused outside.

  "Honey, I just want a better life than the one I have. Is this all I’m worth? Why can’t that muthafucka respect me enough to keep his dick in his pants," I asked, peering through the cracks of my fingers.

  "You know you're worth more than this. DeMarcus doesn't deserve a woman like you, and you know that. Just leave him. I left Cedric today," Honey smiled.

  I laughed through the tears, "Yeah, right, heifer. You know damn well you’re going back. Is that why you're here?"

  "Yeah. Wanted to see if I could crash on the couch for a couple of days. My lights are off and—"

  "Of course, you can, Honey. You know you're welcome to stay here for as long as you like," I eagerly said.

  With Honey here, DeMarcus would have to save his beating for a later date. Hopefully, by the time she left, he would've forgotten about it.

  "Thank you, mami. I appreciate it. I'm done with Cedric this time. I'm serious. I know I say that all the time, but I gotta get out this fuckin' neighborhood," Honey shook her head. "Do you know that somebody killed the chick that lives next to me? Murdered her ass while we were sleeping. What if that had been me?"

  "Damn!" I sighed. "This world is getting crazier and crazier. Have you talked to Jah?"

  "No, not in a couple of days," Honey answered.

  "Somebody ran up in the club last night, and a dude was killed right in front of her. Then, she found out that Quin’s sentence was extended, and he wants a divorce. I told her I would be over there today, but then I got the news from the doc and this—”

  "A divorce? We need to go and check on her. Oh, my god! That's why I hate not having a damn phone." Honey flipped her curly hair off her shoulders and stood up.

  She pulled me up from the couch, and I laughed at how I towered over her short frame. She was only five-two, weighed one-hundred and thirty-five pounds, but was built just like a sister. Her honey brown skin made her look more black than Mexican, and the fact that she had ass for days didn't help.

  "I hope the heifer is okay, and I hope like hell she got some loud. Bitch needs to get twisted. Let's go!" Honey headed for the door with me following behind her.

  Jahzara lived about twenty minutes away in West Dallas in a house ducked off behind some train tracks. It was a neighborhood that was known for gang and drug violence. No one really messed with Jahzara because she was Quin's lady, but I often found myself worrying about her being over there all alone.

  "Jahzara!" Honey yelled as she knocked on the door. "It's me and Meka! Open up, baby girl!"

  We stood on the porch for a few moments before the door finally opened. Jahzara stood in the doorway wearing a tiny robe that barely covered her thick hips.

  "Hey," she said dryly.

  She looked bad, like she'd gone through hell and back and was on her way again. We walked inside and immediately were hit by the smells of weed and air freshener.

  "Are you okay?" I asked as I buried my ass on her comfy sofa.

  "Quin isn't coming home for another eight months, but, to top it all off, after all this time that I held his ass down, he doesn’t want me anymore. He wants a divorce. I don't know if I can do this anymore, y'all," Jahzara said, sounding like a little school girl.

  "Join the party. Honey's lights are off, and she left Cedric. I'm burning and wishing I could leave DeMarcus," I huffed, folding my arms over my chest.

  "Wait, what? You're burning?" Jahzara asked with her mouth wide open.

  "Yep. Went to the doctor to get a shot this morning. Can't believe this shit," I sighed.

  "I'm not going back to Cedric. I promise this time. I need to find me a new man," Honey interjected, "and get out the damn hood. So sick of my life."

  "I know what you mean, Honey. After the shit that went down at the club and then this morning, the police raided the house across the street. I want better. I need better." Jahzara shook her head. "I don’t know what Quin expects of me, but I know he doesn’t think I’mma sit here and watch over his shit, and he doesn’t even want me anymore.”

  "Watch over what? This raggedy house?" I asked, scrunching my nose up.

  "This house, his stupid ass car, and the six kilos he was able to hide from the police," Jahzara said as she lit up a half smoked blunt.

  "Fuck the house! Fuck the car! Did you say this nicca left you with six kilos of coke?" Honey asked, finally parking her butt on the sofa.

  "Yep, six kilos of uncut, pure, grade-A coke."

  The whole room grew quiet as we marinated on what Jahzara had just said. I wasn't a drug dealer and didn't know anything about dope, but I knew Jahzara had to be sitting on some money. Quin had been big time before he got locked up. He had the whole East and West Side of Dallas eating from his hands. There was a time when all Jahzara had to do was cook, suck, and fuck, and Quin gave her everything she needed and wanted. Now, she was forced to shake her ass in order to make rent and other bills. I always wondered what happened to all the money Quin had. Had it been seized by the police? Was he hiding it? Or did Jahzara know where it was and just didn't want to touch it?

  "Did he leave any money behind, Jah, or did the police confiscate it all?" I asked.

  "He says that the police took it all, but I don't believe him. Quin never left all of his money in one spot for fear that he might get popped or robbed one day." Jahzara leaned over and handed the blunt to Honey.

  "You don't have any—" Honey coughed after her first toke. "Any idea where he may have left it?"

  Jahzara shook her head, "Nah, but, even if I did, y'all, I wouldn't touch it. Qu
in would kill me."

  Honey and I both looked at Jahzara like she had shit drizzling from her mouth. There were times I'd had to loan her money when she didn't make enough at the club, and she was talking about she wouldn't touch his money. Oh, hell nah!

  "So, you’d rather keep dancing at that club for the next eight months, struggling until Quin comes home, and then what? What if he puts your ass out on the streets? What if he’s serious about that divorce? What if he really is done? What are you gonna do then?" I asked baffled by it all.

  "If that had been me, all those bricks would've been gone, and I would've been moved out of this raggedy ass neighborhood. Shit! You sitting on a good hundred thousand dollars or more and don't even know it." Honey blew out a cloud of smoke.

  "A hundred thousand?" Jahzara and I said simultaneously.

  "Yep, and just imagine, if you break it down and then sell it. It's more. If Quin had been a real man, he would've allowed you to get rid of that shit and take care of everything until he came home. Selfish asshole!"

  Jahzara sat quietly for the remainder of the night. I'm sure she spent most of the night wondering if she should touch Quin's dope or not. I wasn't so sure if she should mess with the dope, but— Hell!— if she could find out where the fool’s money was at, that would be better.

  "What if I found someone to show me how to break it down? Would y'all help me sell it?" Jahzara asked after a long period of silence.

  "Yep!" Honey smacked her lips. "I need to get my lights back on, get a phone, and, hopefully, a car. Hell, yeah! I'll help!"

  I shook my head, "Jahzara, you can't be serious. Find out where his money is at. I’m not finna be sitting on the corner selling no dope. Girl, hell, nah. I can just stay at my job and continue to do me."

  "Yeah, continue to let Marcus beat your face in every time he feels like it," Honey said with a roll of her eyes.

  I looked over at Honey, then at Jahzara, in shock. I had no idea that they knew what DeMarcus had been doing. I had tried so hard to cover it up. I didn't think anyone knew.