Rozalyn 4 Read online

  Back then my actions seemed right. Hell they always seemed right when I was doing my dirt, but now I feel like shit. I guess I should’ve let karma hurt Tamar’s ass, but instead I had to get even with him. I was tired of that nigga hurting me and what better way to hurt him back than to find some other boss ass nigga and fuck him.

  Shit, Tamar wasn’t the only nigga I could get. At the time, I felt like sleeping with one of his business associates was the best way to let him know that. What I didn’t plan on though, was becoming pregnant with my twins shortly after.

  People can say what they wanna say about me. But hell, unless you know me or my situation, then you definitely have no room to judge me. Yeah. Okay, I’m a “loving the crew” type bitch as some would say but I didn’t give a fuck about other’s opinions. I dare any bitch to try and live in my shoes and say they would’ve handled things differently; I know that shit ain’t possible.

  No matter what the naysayers say, I was a strong ass, ride or die bitch and how can anyone say I’m not? Yeah, there are so many times when I should’ve just bailed and found happiness elsewhere. But in the back of my head, I always knew Tamar was the nigga the good Lord had made for me.

  I took the beatings, the cheating, the mistreatment, and all of that with the hopes that it would all get better. Shit, Tae was just a little-ass boy when he met me and I was just a little-ass girl. Neither of us knew firsthand how to love one another but we did the best we could and we’re still here.

  We both made major mistakes and because of it, both of us are paying for that shit in a major way. Sleeping with his best friend, Brandon and a business associate by the name of J.B., definitely came with a set of consequences. Keylan was gone. I lost some good friends, and now that this J.B. shit has come out, I have to fucking deal with Tamar’s illegitimate daughter.

  I know I don’t have room to talk, considering my actions are what led him to hook-up with that bitch Kari, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to see he had a daughter with another woman. I would give anything to take all of this back but hell it’s too late on both of our parts. The best thing we can do, at this point, is to accept what we’ve done and move forward in our lives.

  I know Tamar truly loves me and I know for a fact that I love him. He’s my king, my everything, my world, and there’s no one else I want to be with. I’m thankful he forgave me for all my past transgressions and I’m hopeful that we have a bright future ahead of us. I hate that it took me being with that maniac, Messiah to see I was going about things the wrong way.

  Trying to hurt Tamar for hurting me, would only hurt me, and eventually hurt my kids and that I didn’t want. J.B. was my last fuck up and I mean that with every fiber of my being.

  “Oh my God, what now?” I frowned and pulled my vibrating cell phone out of my pants pocket. The screen lit up with three back-to-back text messages:

  Yo, answer the phone!

  Lemme take the fuckin test mane!

  My next call gonna be to your bitch ass baby daddy!!!

  I tossed the phone on the table and sighed in frustration. This nigga J.B. had been texting and calling me for weeks; and honestly I didn’t know how to handle the situation. He wanted to get the twins tested and find out if he was really their father; I just wanted that nigga to go away.

  When my son, Zavier was in the hospital fighting for his life, I needed him, but now I regret ever opening up that door. Every time I see his name pop up on my screen, it just reminds me of the craziness I know will come. Eventually, avoiding him will no longer work and I will have to give him what he wants.

  I don't care about him having the test done, but I just hate the aftermath that is sure to follow. How would Tamar act? Would he suddenly change his mind about making this thing work? Ugh, this stress is what I don't need.

  Once again my phone began ringing and vibrating at the same time. J.B. had sent yet another message with his plea to get to me:

  Answer the phone so we can talk Roz.

  I shook my head and grabbed the empty cereal bowls from the table to toss them in the sink. The longer I waited, the worse this shit would get.

  "Hey babes, y'all go find a movie for us to watch;" I said mainly to Tamarion who had yet to stop staring at me.

  "Where Daddy at?" He asked without missing a beat. It was as if he knew the person who was constantly texting my phone was not his father.

  "He went to pick up some-somebody and he should be here soon. Can you go find us a movie please?" I said crossing my arms over my chest and giving him a very serious look.

  "Okay."

  The minute the kids left the kitchen, J.B. was ringing my line.

  "Hello," I answered.

  "Man, why a nigga gotta go through this just to speak with you about them shorties man?" J.B. asked and I could hear the frustration in his voice.

  "I told you before that you need to talk to Tae. Why you--"

  "Because, every time I call that nigga, he starts popping off at the mouth like I'm supposed to be scared of him. I ain't got time for that and besides,-fuck do I need to go through that nigga for to get a DNA test on kids that you're saying is mine?"

  "I never said they were yours J.B. I said there was a possibility, but I mean damn, my kids are doing just fine with Tae as their father."

  "Nah, you crazy if you think I'ma just walk away from this like some coward. You called me months ago telling me I might have two fucking sons and then you start ignoring the fuck outta me. I want a DNA test, Roz. Gimme that and if they ain't mine,--I’ll walk the fuck away."

  I sighed and held on to the phone for a few seconds, not really sure what to say. Being that he had done nothing wrong, I couldn't just start yelling and cursing him out. He only wanted what he was entitled to and it wasn't fair for me to keep that from him.

  "Alright. Let me talk to Tae and I'll call you back."

  "Talk to me about what?"

  I damn near tossed the phone in the dishwater upon hearing Tamar's voice. Without even waiting for a response from J.B., I hung the phone up and planted a kiss on Tamar's lips. He was holding a pink printed car seat that I knew held his daughter Trina. I couldn't even force my eyes to look at her but I knew sooner or later I would have to.

  “Talk to me about what?” Tamar asked again

  “That was J.B.. He wants to know when he can get the twins tested?” I answered nervously.

  I fidgeted with my hands and waited for Tamar to get angry with me, but he didn’t. He sat the car seat on the table, along with the diaper bag, and walked out of the kitchen. Just a few short moments later, I heard the front door slam, and a couple of pictures, that once lined the wall, hit the floor. Yeah, I knew this wasn’t going to end well.

  3 TARON

  “I’m not gonna continue to play this role Taron!” Latoya yelled.

  “Play what role? What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked and sighed deeply out of frustration. I reached for my pants, stepped into them, and quickly pulled them up.

  “Your side bitch! Keymani and I deserve better than these late night trips that you can’t seem to stop making almost every night!”

  “Toya, you know the fucking deal, so why you making a fuss over nothing?!”

  “I know the deal? What is the deal Taron? You act like we sat down and said we were just gonna suck and fuck each other every chance we got; and that I was gonna sit back and watch you play house with the next bitch and be cool with it!”

  “So what you saying? You knew that me and Journey were about to get married before you seduced me into getting in bed with you,” I sighed.

  I shook my head and tied the laces on my sneakers. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking when I started back to sleeping with Latoya. I should’ve let that one drunken night that created my daughter been the only time I made that mistake; but I let my dick
do the thinking.

  Journey and I were supposed to tie the knot on a Miami beach in less than six months and here I was dogging her out in more ways she didn’t deserve. I loved the hell out of my chick, but to be honest, I just couldn’t get enough of Latoya. I couldn’t explain it. I wasn’t in love with her, didn’t have any kind of feelings for her, but it was her that I always thought about.

  I looked over at Latoya and saw the emotions that was now in her face. She leaned her tall, slender frame against the dresser and stared at me. Waiting for me to tell her something that would ease the tension that was between us, but there was nothing I could say. Her brown skin was smooth and glistened in the darkness.

  Latoya had been my brother’s best friend, Keylan’s girl, and my best friend, Kevin’s side piece. She was supposed to be off-limits. The lines between us should have never been crossed. All this shit had been a mistake and I was never supposed to be the father of her child. One night. One drunken night had led to me having to deal with her for the rest of my damn life.

  Thank God my brother was more than forgiving; and slowly my boy Kevin came around, seeing as how he had a chick at home anyway.

  Being that the relationship was so complicated, there was no way that Latoya and I could go further than this bedroom. It just couldn't happen. No matter how good she was in bed, she could never be the woman on my arm. It was a mere coincidence that she was the mother of my child.

  "Maybe we should just stop this thing right here. Let this be the last time we make this mistake," I said grabbing my hat and keys.

  "Mistake?" Latoya scoffed. "We've been sleeping together for over six months now. That's not a fucking mistake Taron and you know it. You spend more time here than you do with your fiancé!"

  "Because you won't let me fucking take Keymani home with me! Of course, I spend more time here."

  "You damn right I don't let you take her home. I'm not finna let my daughter be around a bitch that wants to try and take her from me."

  "That's fucking old. She wants to see and get to know Keymani."

  "Well that's too bad ‘cause she ain't going nowhere near that bitch."

  "Alright Toya; look…”

  “No, you look. I’m not finna do this with you. I’m not anybody’s sidepiece. You need to tell Journey it’s over and be where I know you wanna be or I’m going to tell her.”

  I looked at Toya in disbelief but then again I wasn’t surprised. This was the bullshit that all women did when they wanted you for themselves. Seeing she would stoop to this level just to get what she wanted pissed me the hell off but I kept my cool. I couldn’t let her see her comment had made me sweat a little.

  “Do what you gotta do Toya but my home is with Journey. So if you feel you gotta go ruin my home just so I’ll be with you, then go for it. I’m not gonna try and stop you.”

  With that, I walked out of her bedroom and out of that big ass house.

  ***

  Walking into my home, I immediately wanted to turn around and walk back out. It was dark throughout and the strong smell of liquor filled the air. I knew what to expect the moment I made it into my bedroom, but hoped that tonight would’ve been different. I yearned to come home and find my fiancé to be the beautiful woman I met some time ago.

  Wishing that she wasn’t so drunk that she was fucking talking to herself or even sitting in a puddle of her own vomit. Although, I had fucked Toya moments ago, I longed to come home and make love to my sober fiancé.

  I loved Journey with everything in me and would do anything to see her happy, but she had allowed my child with Toya to ruin her. She was more than obsessed with trying to become pregnant, and, each time she failed, it sent her into a drinking binge. With it being the end of the month, I knew it was around the time she should get her cycle.

  This meant she more than likely took several pregnancy tests only to receive a single blue line telling her that shit just wasn’t happening. I had invested plenty of money into testing, procedures, and whatever the doctors felt was necessary to give Journey a baby, but nothing was working.

  I tried suggesting adoption, but Journey felt like taking in a child that she didn’t birth would make her less than a woman. I glanced over at Journey, who sat far in the corner of the bedroom, in her favorite leather chaise, nursing her favorite drink of orange juice and vodka. Her hair was all over her head, mascara had fallen and dried on the top of her cheeks, and her clothing was halfway done.

  I shook my head and walked into the bathroom confirming what I already knew. A negative pregnancy test sat atop the cabinet and several more took space in the trashcan located next to the toilet. This was part of the reason why I couldn’t get enough of being at Latoya’s crib; it offered the normalcy that a nigga like me needed in his life.

  A home-cooked meal, my daughter, and a good nut at the end of the night. I thought. Being that I couldn’t have that shit with Journey ate at me, and seeing her self-destruct made it even worse. I knew stepping out on her wasn’t the answer but I was at my wit’s end. I didn’t know what else to do at this point.

  I did my part in trying to give her a child but it was only so much I could do.

  “Drinking like this isn’t going to help you get pregnant any faster, you know? Besides, what if you were fucking pregnant and you over there drowning yourself in that bullshit?” I said and let out a frustrated sigh. I stepped out of my shoes and tossed them toward the closet door along with my shirt and pants.

  “You and I both know damn well that I’m not pregnant, so save that shit,” Journey slurred. She brought her glass to her mouth and took a huge gulp before standing up from the chaise and almost falling over. I shook my head but made no effort to offer her any assistance. I was so used to her falling over and crashing into things that it no longer affected me. “How was family time?”

  I stared at Journey’s one hundred and twenty pound frame and wondered how in the hell could I get back the woman I fell in love with. At one point, Journey had been a dead ringer for that chick Tae Heckard with her only having a darker skin tone. Once, she was thick in all the right places, but now she was pure skin and bones.

  It was like everything was slowly disappearing before my eyes; the love we shared, the life we had together, and her. If something didn’t change, there would be nothing left to hang onto and Toya might just get what she wanted. The worse things got here, the better it started to feel on the other side.

  “Come here,” I said softly and pulled Journey into my arms. She tried to push away but I wouldn’t allow her to. This shit had to stop. However, I knew in order for her to get right, I was gonna have to get my shit together as well. Whatever it took to get Journey back to the old her, I was willing to do. “I love you baby.”

  “I love you Taron,” she cried and settled her head onto my chest. The glass that she held in her hand dropped to the floor and the remaining liquid splattered across the floor. I held onto her for what seemed like hours as she cried and spoke inaudibly about her being infertile. I gotta fix this shit. No matter what, I gotta fix it.

  4 TAMAR

  Two slaps across the face and this nigga's eyes flew open as big as saucers. I spent a few days in Miami with my moms and lil' sister after some niggas decided to run up in their crib and attack them. They both told me the dudes that jumped on them warned me not to do business with this cat named Imran.

  Imran was a dude from Dallas that scored major weight from me on a regular basis. He put a lot of bread in my pocket and I did the same for him. Hearing his name fly out of my people's mouths really had me feeling some kind of way. The murderous ways I tried and tried to lose seemed to have found me again.

  “What's going on?" Imran asked. "I know there ain't no issues with my money, so what's up?"

  "Somebody ran up into my moms' crib and fucked her and my sister up looking for me!" I yelled. I lit the
tip of a blunt and took a quick couple of tokes from it before finishing. "Telling them how they better warn me not to do anymore business out here in Dallas. If they find out I have any more dealings with you, the consequences will be deadly."

  "Whoa! I didn’t do that shit. Man, I don't even know where your t-lady lives at!" He shook his head repeatedly, denying the accusations I threw at him. I believed him. I knew that whoever it was that ran up in my moms' shit was most likely some niggas hating on him for whatever reason.

  Whatever that reason may be, it wasn't my fucking problem and they should've left my family alone.

  “I didn’t say you did anything, but I do wanna know who in the fuck did it," I said and passed the blunt to Black.

  “I don’t…I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything about no shit like that. Soon as I got my package from you…”

  “Besides that nigga Quin, who else has a problem with the business that we do together?” I asked cutting him off.

  “Nobody. Ain’t nobody else tripping ‘cause everybody is making money. He the only person that’s salty about the way things happened,” he quickly said.

  A muthafuckin’ lie. I thought. The way his eyes twitched and left my face when he answered let me know he was lying.

  “I hate when somebody fucks with my money, and I really hate when somebody fucks with my family. Right now, whoever did this shit is doing both. And until I figure out who, I’ma fuck with your money as well. Next time you contact me, it better be because you got some usable info,” I said with finality.

  He knew who the fuck came after my people and I wanted answers. If he was all about his paper like I knew he was, it would only be a matter of days before I heard from him again.